David Blogs Again

Friends: I know it must have been a long, cold September. Yea, as summer warmth turned to late-summer warmth, so did this very blog experience a gradual cooling/lessening of humidity. And I understand that I let down my adoring readers. For without readers, this blog is nothing but the musings of a beleaguered teenager in the throes of youthful naivete trying to find his way amid the cockroaches, international athletes, and somewhat cute pets which bombard his daily life. The millions whose lives only exist between All the Wile posts - those are the heroes that make this blog rise above such mundane descriptive-yet-not-quite-flowery-enough-to-be-poetic phrases and become, as the great rapper/producer/sage Kanye West once described it, "the voice of this generation, of this decade; [it] will be the loudest voice."

As much as I am ashamed to admit it, my dear readers, my shivering, huddled masses, I have kept you from your Fountain of Youth, your daily bread, my flesh and blood from which you ate and drank. My life has changed drastically since you last read tales of my epic triumph over a cockroach, yea, even since you viewed Gretchen Bleiler's beautiful, bikinied, glycerin-covered body. FOR INSTANCE:

1. I have won FarmVille.Take a look-see for yourself:


THAT'S ME. Or excuse me. That's FarmVille me. AT MY VILLA. LIKE A BOSS.
That's months of sweat and blood right there, people. Friendships were strained, homework tossed aside, responsibilites shunned: even my beloved blog fell casualty. And with it, you, O readers, O starving literary refugees seeking shelter from the vulgar, illiterate, blogospheric storm and finding naught but already-read updates from bygone months - fraught with anticipation you eagerly refreshed page after unredeeming page, praying for salvation from my toiling hands though answer none did come - yea, and you fell casualty as well.

2. I have won APO.

This might take some explaining. Since I left you, my minions millionfold, staring at Gretchen Bleiler's athletically built legs and stomach flat as the slopes on which she rides, I have come back to DC, and AU in particular. I am currently pledging APO. I have come away from APO victorious. How, you ask?

1. Up Till Dawn: 1.5 hours of service, won $70+ iHome in raffle.
2. Columbia Heights Block Party: 6 hours of service, walked away with ~$150 worth of free Under Armour.

Having completed 3 service projects (the first I got nothing material out of, except a morning full of Jesus and meeting an actual, living human being from Lynchburg, South Carolina, named Bernice), I'm averaging upwards of $70 per service project. Having done around 12.5 hours of service, that averages out to OVER $17.60 PER HOUR.
ONCE AGAIN: I WON APO. And I'm not even a brother yet.

Which brings me to my next point:

I have a midterm tomorrow for which I have done absolutely minimal studying. Additionally, I have to write an in-class essay in German tomorrow. And I do not own a German-English dictionary. And I haven't watched the movie the essay's on in about a year and a half now. Which means my winning streak may have to end at 2.
Ye yearning crowds: do not be dissuaded by the fact that I have only been inspired to break these five loaves among the multitude as a last gasp at procrastination; nay, be merry, rejoice among yourselves, ululate in joyous bliss, for such extremes have awoken the dormant volcano that is my blog. Like all great causes that are once put down, extreme tension has brought this social force back: as the old Negro spirituals foretold, we have overcome; as the nostalgic Southerners promised at Appomattox, we have risen again; as Dylan Thomas begged his father, we have not gone gentle into that dark night; and, like the Iranian demonstrators, we have relieved a couple slow news weeks and quickly been forgotten about by the American public altogether.
We have a dream today.